Victim or Creator


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“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Would you say that life happens to you or do you make life happen? Do you read or write your life? Are you an innocent bystander in life or are you an architect?

Every day we are faced with opportunities to choose either the role of victim or the role of the creator. Our ego-mind is our small mind that views the world in black and white. It desaturates life by shading in all of the colour with problem-amplifying thoughts. When we believe the thoughts of our ego we get trapped into the delusion of victimhood and forfeit all of our creative power.

Here are some classic phrases of the ego-mind:

    • “I can’t because…”
    • “No one understands…”
    • “It’s not my fault…”
    • There’s nothing I can do…”
    • “I’ll try to do that later…”
    • “Ya, I would, but…”
    • “One day I will…”
    • “Bad things always happen to me…”
    • “I could never afford that…”
    • “Why me?…”
    • “No one cares…”
    • Because he/she won’t…I can’t…
    • “This is just my luck”
    • “I used to be able to, but now I can’t…”

When you catch your ego thinking any of the above – SILENCE the little victim inside of you and create a new thought.

As you create new thoughts you start to recreate life. Life is full of opportunity and possibility. Some times we just need to unzip our ego’s fixed perceptions. Answers are built into every problem. Taking on the responsibility of your best life gives you the privilege to create your best life. There is no better time than right now. You can do anything you put your ego-less mind to.

We can’t control or create all of the events in life, but we do have a solid say when it comes down to who we are. Life seems to have an interesting way of placing things in our life that are relevant to who we are. Victims tend to attract circumstance that further perpetuate victimhood and creators seem to attract opportunities that further advance their power to create. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself when things get tough, strengthen yourself. When you feel that your problems are bigger than you, grow yourself. Interference can always be transformed into insightfulness.

“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it”
Charles Swindoll

Here is an ego-less parenting diary that illustrates the power of recreating our thoughts! (Check out more on this topic on our FREE Ego-Less™ or ® or © APP!)


Let’s decide now to be happy.

Through my clenched jaw, I said “You and mommy are both upset right now and we can either choose to be upset today or we can decide to be happy and have fun. What should we choose to do?” My two year old said, without any hesitation whatsoever, “happy”. Although his tear-stained face said otherwise, he jumped out of his car seat and latched onto my hand.

God I wish I could just snap out of it that easily, my ego thought. I had been tossed pretty far away from my child-like emotional flexibility because of my two year old’s consistent whining during the entire drive to the mall, along with my infant’s car-seat-hating screams. Never mind the fact that my face felt punched in from the week of rough sleep-less nights. But I knew I had to demonstrate that happiness is a choice…no matter how much my ego wanted to keep fuming.  

Ok decompress - big exhalation.  Breathe out that fresh frustration.  Breathe in newness. I can do this.

As I lifted my son into the stroller, I could feel my ego gripping on to the past and reminding me of the day so far and why I was pissed off.  Enough ego. Forget the past.  I forced my mind to be thoughtless and fully present as I clipped him into the stroller.  Thoughts always yield to fully-inhabited senses. So, I monopolized my entire attention on my five senses.  I grabbed the other car seat, which contained my infant son who was now sleeping soundly, with a mischievous grin on his face.  Click.  As if he’s sleeping now!  To interrupt my re-surfacing ego, I took another deep breath - here we go.

I grabbed onto the cool stroller handle, focused on the wind against my face as we walked towards the mall and imagined blowing away the stress.

An older man was waiting, holding the door open for us.  A sigh of relief. The world around us is in a good place. It is time I reconnect with that world.   We locked smiles and I thanked him, taking extra care to appreciate his welcoming presence.  What a nice man.  

We walk into the book store entrance, just to notice the craziness of the mall, and I thought “maybe we shouldn’t have come…  Shhhh ego, we are here now and going to have a good time…

And you know what? We did. We all snapped out of it and exchanged our pissy energy for much better energy.  The boys were happy after the fact, and I made my point that yes “happiness is a choice”. On top of all of that I did some serious ego-less strength training.  My ego DID NOT want to choose happiness and connection. However, because I had made up my mind otherwise, and stuck with it by cutting off all of the negative thoughts and telling myself a different story.  I succeeded in shrinking my ego and I reclaimed my mind.

Every moment of every day we are on a staircase. We are either climbing upwards, not climbing at all, or we are climbing downwards. It’s easy to climb downwards and let the gravity of our ego take us down, – but where does that leave us? Flights away from who we want to be. So, if you feel like climbing upwards is impossible at the moment, – at least standstill. Just be in the moment without any thoughts. Let the power of your senses be your power to recharge until you can start walking upwards again.